Truth Journaling: When Envy Starts to Rot Your Bones

Truth journaling has completely changed my life and allowed me to have an effective way to consistently renew my mind. It has pulled me out of seasons of being addicted to work, seasons of getting caught in certain sins and allowed me to break free from certain strongholds in my life. Today I wanted to share what a real life truth journaling session looks like for me. This session was done when I got caught in the comparison trap and was letting envy get the best of me. 

 
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Today I was angry. I was angry because she has three kids too and seems to have a perfect work life balance. She seems to be accomplishing everything that I want to be accomplishing while still being the mom that I want to be. Envy crept in and I could feel it taking hold of my body. My heart started racing, my brain became foggy. “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” I felt the truth of that verse so strongly. The envy led me to feel like I needed to start working harder right then and there because if I didn't I would fall behind. In a moment I started to feel like my kids were more of a burden than a blessing because they were standing in my way of doing what I thought I should be doing. Things got ugly. I BECAME ugly. 
 

I'm was sitting there starting to feel panicky and I didn't know what to do to get the feelings to go away.  How did things escalate so fast and bring my heart from a place of peace and contentment to one of overwhelm and envy? 


I got to that place because I compared myself to someone and to make it worse I compared myself to someone through social media where I don't even know if they are posting their full reality. People who look at my social media don’t know all of my behind the scenes and hard moments throughout the day. She is probably the same way. For some reason telling myself that wasn't enough though. I still felt anxious and my fast heart beat wouldn't calm down. I didn't feel like I had the strength to overcome the feelings that had build up on my own. So what did I do?

I grounded myself. I took a couple deep breaths, turned my worship music on, rubbed some oils on my wrists and opened my Bible to remind myself of God's truth. It was time to renew my mind so that I don't continue to conform to these patterns of comparison and envy that I was falling into. If you aren't familiar with the process of renewing your mind, the renewing of the mind is a time that we can bring our problems to God and He helps us see them from His perspective. One of my favorite ways to renew my mind is through truth journaling. When I’m truth journaling I like to write out my initial thoughts and feelings, then God's truth on that topic from scripture and then a statement of truth that I can replace my initial thoughts with. 

 

Here is how I renewed my mind today when I felt paralyzed and didn't know how to overcome the feelings I had let myself get caught up in. My hope is that if you are stuck in a similar scenario that this can help you too: 

 

  • Initial Thoughts and Feelings: I am less than and inadequate because I am not accomplishing as much as she is. 
  • Gods Truth From Scripture: Galatians 6:4-5 “Don’t compare yourself with others. Just look at your own work to see if you have done anything to be proud of. You must each accept the responsibilities that are yours.”
  • Statement of Truth: God has a unique calling and purpose for me and it is not the same as anyone else. As long as I am moving forward in the race God has called me to run, I am accomplishing all that I need to be accomplishing.

 

  • Initial Thoughts and Feelings: My children are a burden right now. They are preventing me from accomplishing what I want to accomplish. 
  • Gods Truth: Psalm 127:3-5 “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!”
  • Statement of Truth: My children weren’t given to me as a penalty or a burden, they were given to me as a blessing and a reward. God calls us to steward the gifts He has given us so it is my calling and greatest accomplishment to be their mom and fulfill those duties well.  

 

This was a short journaling session and afterwards I immediately started to feel more peace within my heart. The feelings of anxiety and envy dissipated and the anger that was building up towards my kids started to melt away. Sometimes the process of renewing my mind takes a lot longer and there have been seasons where I've felt like I was never going to have a breakthrough.  However, with consistency and loads of prayer the breakthrough has always come. There are many times throughout life where you won't feel like you have the capacity to overcome a specific scenario that you are dealing with or a certain sin you are trying to conquer and renewing your mind through truth journaling is a great way to let go and let God.

 

Romans 12:2 "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind"

 

xoxo Paige Hilken